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Everything's quiet. I can think a little but I don't really want to so I'm sitting here writing and waiting

I slept and he was warm and even though he didn't bite me to prove he was real--like he suggested with that lazy smirk that I'm really wishing he would give again--he was still there when I woke up. Still there. And he just blinked at me when we woke up and I was clinging to him with my arms around him and my head up against his chin. He didn't say much for me creeping over into his bunk in the middle of the night. ^{It was a really small bed with the two of us in it. Why does everything have to be humansized? He's tall enough as it is for playing human, but I'm taller and probably weigh as much as he does even though I'm a lot skinnier.}

Compulsion to not feel so awkward and to forestall him being upset had me telling him I was cold, that's all. I don't know if he believed me. That was mostly truth. I was cold. I just remembered how good he'd smelled to me every time I sat down next to him and I didn't want to sleep alone even though he was only a few dozen steps away in his own bed.  He fed me something, I didn't even taste what it was, of course. Some soup maybe. I ate it because he told me to and I didn't want to think; there wasn't any nausea at all. I kept it all down, which I liked and I smiled at him though I don't think he understood why I was. I was told to take a bath, too, but even though it was all prepared and everything I just sat in the water and stared. Too tired. Eating had taken all my energy. I liked the attention, though. I didn't say that, either.

I liked his stupid hat, too, although I don't see how that covers sin'dorei ears very well. I considered taking it, but stealing from someone who was nice enough to hold my hand and lead me up the steps when I shut off again, all patient and watching, didn't seem like such a good thing to do. Hats look bad on me anyway, and I flicked the pompom on the top, which was kind of fun, so. ^{It looked funny on him with all those dreds but he made it work somehow and I'm a little jealous of that.}
I slept more and he stayed for that too.

He was still around when I woke up and it's kind of an amazing thing. Maybe I was still dreaming, since he's not here now. He didn't say much either for how there was more space between us in the middle than there should've been. Maybe he wasn't awake to think about it. Maybe this wasn't real but I finally just got a nice dream where there weren't questions I don't know how to answer and he already knew why even though I was pressed up against him where there wasn't screaming or pain or choking or dying.

I'm afraid to think about it this too much, because it kind of hurts and it kind of doesn't at the same time. He's gone, so maybe that's the hurting part. I'm really tired and thinking so much is starting to make me want to sleep again but he's not here and I'm afraid. I kind of want to wait here in the barracks for him to come back. If he comes back I didn't know how to ask to go with or how to ask about when he'd be back. Maybe if I can find the thoughts and words when he comes back he'll come back right please come back Vyrian please come back he'll let me work with him. I thought he was just a hunter, it's weird to think of him as a paladin, too. But I'm used to the idea. Astarin used to be a hunter, although he wouldn't tell me why he stopped or why he rarely picks up a bow anymore, unless his Captain asks.

I did tell Vyrian I can work but that doesn't say I want to follow you around and be in your footsteps and be your shadow for a while because I don't have to think that way and you can just tell me where to go or what to do and it won't hurt like this trying to make decisions and I'm familiar with the Argents and how they work; I spent enough time around Astarin for it. This is his tabard, too, even though I haven't taken very good care of it.

Heh. His tabard saved me, I think, tonight.

Elune's tits, why can't I ever figure out how to start at the beginning for once?